Last week I received an email from a nurse who worked at the Assisted Reproduction Clinic who is trying to organise some guest speakers regarding "IVF" and their experiences.
I have been asked along to some of "open evening" sessions in the past whilst I was doing IVF, however IVF is something that I have never spoken about since my 6th failed cycle back in May 2012. I felt that I had brought closure to that area of my life and wanted to move on, as I had accepted that I would not be able to have a family of my own.
Receiving the email last week was completely out of the blue, and it has played on my mind the past week which has lead me to accepting the invitation.
Most people who pass comment on IVF are narrow-minded idiots, who have no understanding on the topic or compassion for those who have to turn to this method to allow them to have a child of their own.
I rarely get involved in debates these days, but one thing that really angers me is people who pass comment on topics they no nothing about or by the poor information out there in the media.
The definition of an illness; "a specific condition that prevents your body or mind from working normally"
A lot of people debate whether IVF should be paid by the NHS. I was once told by an "ex friend" that i have no right to be spending the tax payers money on IVF nor does anyone else and that we should accept the card handed to us.
SO does that mean that a cancer patient with lung cancer due to smoking, should not receive any medication or medical help because they should "accept the card that they have been handed to them, because their lung cancer was down to their own choice to smoke?".
Again, a narrow minded comment made without looking at the bigger picture.
During my time at the Assisted Reproduction Clinic or on fertility chat rooms I met women from all walks of lives. There was one woman who had a terrible accident when she fell off her horse, which resulted in her being unable to conceive. Another woman simply had not met the love of her life until her late 40s, but she had a good house, job and was very healthy, but time was against her. Then there is women who have PCOS, Endometriosis to contend with. Lets not forget the men, there was plenty of women during my time at the clinic receiving ICSI because their husband or partner had low sperm counts, some had an accident earlier in life, or what about the gentleman who had suffered and overcome a terrible illness, and the medication stopped his sperm production?
Why should they be denied the right to have a child of their own.
"Well there is plenty of children out there looking to be fostered and adopted"
"Oh really? Why did you choose to have a child of your own instead of taking on someone else child? what makes you any different to us?".
I have went a bit off topic here... so lets get back on track.
The main mis conception about IVF is that its all older women, or career driven that turn to IVF.
I was 15 when I started having cramps. My mum thought I was lying to pull a sickie at school, this happened on several occasions during my teenage years "its just growing pains go to school".
The reality was when I was 17 one day I couldn't get up for work, I was doubled over in pain. After 2 days off work, my dad took me to the hospital where they run tests. Initially they thought it was appendicitis. They later discovered I had fluid in my right fallopian tube which pushed my ovaries up, and it was contracting against my appendix causing the pain. The fluid was drained, however it kept flaring up every few months. My period then became irregular, and I noticed that I stopped suffering from things like pre period back ache, nipple tenderness or mood swings (some women would love this).
I met my husband when I was 21 (but we had know each other for years previously) and we decided very quickly that we wanted family and started trying when I was 22 given my medical history. Our first IVF session was when i was 24. They say your chances are around 40 to 50% if your under 30 and healthy.
What they don't tell you is the risks, or maybe they do but all I could think about was being a mummy....
IVF involves stopping and starting your menstrual cycles, being put in and out of menopause, injecting yourself twice to 3 times a day, inserting progesterone every 12 hours, increasing oestrogen, taking HCG shots. You get depressed, you eat, you gain weight, you eat again, you become reclusive, sensitive, it affects your relationship.
I was into cycle 5 when i knew something was wrong. I was 28 years old. I collapsed and was taken to hospital where they realised I had over stimulated and i had to have an operation to remove my left tube.
12 months later I went through cycle 6, my head wasn't in the zone, I was deflated, I was going through the motions of it all. I felt like shit. It failed.
I decided that enough was enough and it was time to accept that this wasn't working and to move on, as it had consumed the last 4 years of my life and I was now in my late 20s.
This was where I had my lifestyle change.
The reason I was asked to contribute to the open evening, was because of my age, there is not many young people who do IVF, nor is there many young people out there who have done as many cycles as me and then had to give up. The clinic wanted to have as many people as possible from different back grounds.
I have been worried that writing this post would open the flood gate, but it hasn't at all. I realise that I am a lot happier now and I have a whole different perspective on life. What is & who is important, and I have achieved so much in the past few years.
Nemesis has really opened my eyes to peoples insecurities. Becoming a coach has come with job satisfaction. There is very few jobs out there that come with job satisfaction. I hope that by doing the guest speaking I can help someone who is worried about going through IVF, perhaps needs some understanding when to know if enough is enough, and how to move on.
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